To fight this plague of locusts that could kill us all, I have decided to retire

As one of the most powerful pest control experts in the world, I understand the unique danger that deadly plagues of locusts pose and take my responsibility seriously.

For close to a year now, a deadly swarm of locusts who threaten to end human life as we know it have hovered over our great nation. We have fooled ourselves into thinking that these locusts are benign, that they will one day “pivot” to civilized behavior. 

Sadly, their mission has never been clearer: to destroy us all. 

I tell you this as a prominent trained exterminator: this is one of the greatest internal threats our nation has ever faced. To fight it, I have humbly decided to retire from my position and go on vacation, probably to Cancún. Read more…

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Source: Mashable | To fight this plague of locusts that could kill us all, I have decided to retire